well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
