I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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