doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
