my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
