the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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