i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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