i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
