It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
