the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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