This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
