You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
