well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
