"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
