So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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