Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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