Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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