ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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