I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
