dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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