Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Your dad touched me again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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