I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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