You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
