I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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