so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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