Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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