My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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