i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm both gender and math confused
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
