I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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