i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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