I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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