Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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