toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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