I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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