Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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