omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
