she woke up with a sticky ear
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
