Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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