oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
