Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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