i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
