In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
