If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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