I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
