Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
