When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
