I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
