Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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