Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
