i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
