I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was like eating out sand paper
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
