He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
